Speak Now
by SVUlover
Summary: She had thought she could do it. Be there to support him, to show how ok she was with it. To show them all that she was strong. But she wasn't. She couldn't do it. She couldn't watch the love of her life marry someone else.
1. Chapter 1

**Title** : Speak Now  
 **Rating:** T-M  
 **Summary:** She had thought she could do it. Be there to support him, to show how ok she was with it. To show them all that she was strong. But she wasn't. She couldn't do it. She couldn't watch the love of her life marry someone else.  
 **Author's note:** Just a little plot bunny that hopped into my head after July 6th's episode and wouldn't leave until it was written. If all goes as planned, it'll be about three chapters total. Let me know what you think! -J

* * *

Chapter One: Speak Now

* * *

Spencer woke that day with a headache, the result of drinking so much tequila the night before. She lay in her bed, staring up at the vaulted wood ceiling of the barn, the thought snaking its way in and out of every thing in her head.

He's getting married today.

It had been marked on all of their calendars, the invitations having arrived six weeks ago. They were on fancy, heavy paper with intricate swirled designs and loopy writing.

 _Mr. and Mrs. George Phillips request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Yvonne Grace, to Tobias J Cavanaugh._

It wasn't Toby. None of it was Toby. Not the paper...not the loopy script...not even the _name_. His name was _just_ Toby. His mother had wanted that way, he'd once told her. Marion didn't like Tobias. He was just Toby. Toby James Cavanaugh.

For an hour after it had come, so soon after Yvonne had flashed the ring at her on the porch of Toby's trailer, Spencer had sat at the island in her kitchen, staring at it. The marriage of Yvonne to Toby. If she tried hard enough, she could pretend Tobias was some other person, some person she'd never met before. That it was a stranger, and not Toby, _her_ Toby.

She'd been constantly reminding herself the past few weeks that he wasn't her Toby anymore. That he hadn't been for a while, and it had been her actions that had made that title disappear. That day, three years ago, in her gloomy college dorm, when the pregnancy test had been negative and she'd been flooded with relief, relief that had made her cry.

He'd rubbed her back, held her, but she could see in his eyes that a part of him, however small, had wanted it to be positive. Maybe he thought it would have brought her home, shifted them into a life where she didn't live hours away, where she wasn't trying desperately to leave life in Rosewood behind, while he held on for some reason she couldn't understand.

And faced with that, that he didn't want exactly what she wanted, that for once he was letting himself think of what he wanted, with the fact that in that moment, they didn't want the same thing, she saw her out. And she'd taken it.

For a few weeks, it felt freeing. She went out with her friends at school to clubs, danced with boys, took numbers she'd never use because she didn't have to say "I have a boyfriend," and it felt like a weight off. There was nothing holding her to that town anymore.

But then the nights grew longer, and her insomnia would keep her awake, listening to her roommate snoring, and she realized how much she missed him. How much she wanted to talk to him, see him, hear his voice, feel his heart beating. And one night, when her roommate was gone, when the crushing feeling invaded her and she couldn't get out of bed the next morning, she longed to have him back. To be able to call him and have him move heaven and earth to be there for her, to be able to be there for _him_.

By the time she'd worked up the courage to own up to her mistake, to go to Rosewood and beg him to take her back, if she had to, the damage had been done.

 _Toby Cavanaugh is in a relationship with Yvonne Philips_ had popped up on her Facebook Newsfeed. Aria, Emily, and Hanna had all texted her asking if she'd seen, if she was ok. And she'd lied, told them nothing, said of course she was, because she'd done this to herself. If he was happy, he should be happy. And really, all she'd ever given him was grief. So she'd resolved to move forward.

Her travels had brought her to Caleb, and they had their fun, building their friendship, and she'd developed feelings for him. They were real, they were true, and coming back here had just driven them further. She'd never lied to him, she did love him. But he didn't love her. She was just a fill in because Hanna wasn't available. And him lying to her about it was what hurt the most. Actually, no...

Hanna was what hurt her the most.

In reality, Caleb cheating on her just made her aware of what she didn't want. She didn't want to be Hanna, getting Caleb's undying love and devotion (when they weren't even together), having him by her bedside. She didn't want to be someone's second choice, someone's second best. She didn't want to forever be competing with Hanna, her best friend. She didn't want to be Hanna. She wanted to be _Yvonne_.

She wanted Toby.

And so she'd let Caleb go. And Hannah and him were back together within a week, Hanna admitting she'd ended it with Jordan. And ever since then, Hanna had avoided her. They didn't hang out alone, Hanna only answered text messages if it was in a group. Spencer wasn't sure what she did. But that was what hurt the most. Losing her best friend over a boy.

Now she'd lost times three. Four, really.

She'd lost Toby. She'd lost Caleb. She'd lost Hanna, apparently.

And then the invitation had shown up, just a few months after Spencer had found out Toby was engaged. They were moving fast. And it was real. So it appeared, it felt, like she was losing him all over again, too.

xXxXx

Toby had stopped by a few days after the invitation had come in the mail. He stood at her door, awkwardly clasping his hands together through the greeting.

"You don't have to come. I wasn't sure if I should put you on the list, if it'd be awkward, but she insisted," he finally said apologetically.

"Do you want me to be there?" Spencer countered, looking up at him, coffee in her hand. He'd brought her the coffee. The same way she'd taken it for years. Just a little bit of cream, half a packet of sugar.

"If you're okay with it," he finally says, and Spencer sees the answer in his eyes.

Yes, he wants her there. She doesn't know why, but he does, and though she wants to be far away from Rosewood on that date (any date, really, but especially that date), she says, "I'll be there."

Now, faced with actually going there in a few hours, she wished she had left town. She'd tried to, last night, after a lot of tequila, but she'd been drunk, so Emily had taken her Keys, saying they'd pick her up for the wedding. Because going to watch the man she loved marry someone else was just what she wanted to do.

xXxXx

Spencer lays in bed for another hour before the LCD readout on the clock triggers her into forcing herself up and into the bathroom. She had to go to the wedding, she'd told Toby she would, so she wasn't going to go looking like crap and smelling of booze. After taking a shower so hot her skin is red, Spencer steps out, dries off, goes on autopilot.

She dries her hair, curls it and pins in up, does her makeup, takes a shot of tequila, steps into lingerie and panty hose, before finally slipping into a red lace dress. Once it's zipped up, she checks her appearance before stepping into the red stilettos, grabbing her clutch, and heading for the main room just as the door opens and Emily and Aria come in. They're both dressed and ready, Hanna missing as she'd been going to arrive with Caleb.

He was the best man. Hanna hung out with Yvonne sometimes.

"Ready? Ezra's in the car. You look great," Aria says with a smile that Spencer forces herself to return.

"Thanks. You guys, too." She doesn't say she's ready, she's not. But she clutches her bag, following her friends out to Ezra's waiting car. To go to Toby's wedding.

It's at the white church in Rosewood. The same one Charlotte had been murdered in, that Hanna's fake body had been left in for them to find, that Ian had died in. She'd wondered why Toby would want to get married there, with the history. She'd finally realized one night that it was her history, not his. Yvonne probably knew nothing of what had gone on there. _She_ wouldn't want to get married there, but why would Yvonne care?

It's decorated with flowers and lace, packed with people, more than half of which are clearly friends of Yvonne's parents. She sees Toby's father and step mom, his dad clearly avoiding looking at her. Spencer wonders where Jenna is...but doesn't care that much. They make it only a few minutes before the ceremony is due to start, and shuffle into the pew Hanna had saved. Spencer is next to her, and her heart aches that she avoids her, doesn't even look at her. She looks past her, at Aria and Emily, adding her greeting on the end.

"I don't get what I did that you hate me now," Spencer murmurs before she can hold back quietly, unable to mask the hurt today. Hanna looks up, surprised, as though to say something, but the music starts before she can.

Swallowing a lump in her throat with only minor success, Spencer turns to the aisle, holding back the voice telling her to run, and settles into watch. The priest, Caleb, the ushers, Toby...

His hair is combed, perfectly parted, his eyes bright but not the same. He'd told her once he always hated parting his hair. He's wearing a sharp grey tux, lavender bow tie, and and she thinks of prom, shaking her head. Their eyes catch each other's, as he settles into place at the front, folding his hands together in front of him.

The music changes, and the bridesmaids begin walking down the aisle, and Spencer forces her eyes away from Toby's. It was too much, the eyes bringing her back, pulling her in. The bridesmaids are in long lavender dresses, and with a sick jolt in her stomach she recognizes one of them is Jenna.

Yvonne doesn't know. He never told her. That, or he did, and she still made Jenna part of their wedding.

Emily reaches over, taking her hand as Spencer frowns at Jenna. She'd raped him. She'd violated him...she she was in his wedding. Someone he wished he never had to see again.

By the time she pulls herself from her thoughts, the bridal march is starting, Emily yanks her to her feet. Spencer fixes her dress, looking to the ground, before looking up as the double doors open to reveal Yvonne in a big white dress, accompanied by her father. Her eyes, though, shift to Toby. He's smiling, but his eyes don't look right. She wonders if they'd changed since they were together. Maybe that's normal, now.

Spencer finds herself zoning out as they sit down. Her chest is aching, heart beating faster as the priest begins to speak. He was about to get married. The boy she'd loved, the man she still loved, was about to marry someone else. She'd let him go, and she'd been too late to get him back. And she loved him, she wanted him to be happy. But it wasn't with her. And she couldn't watch it.

She had thought she could. Be there to support him, to show how ok she was with it. To show them all that she was strong. But she wasn't.

She's not listening to the priest, it sounds like a buzzing in her head as he talks. " _And if anyone has any reason these two should not be wed-"_

"I thought I could do this," Spencer finally breathes to Emily and Aria, her voice a strained whisper. "But I can't. I'll see you later," She forces out.

"Spencer, wai-" Aria whispers urgently.

"- _-You're asked to speak now or forever more hold your peace_."

But it was too late. Spencer rose from her seat, trying to be inconspicuous, but immediately every face was on her.

Every bridesmaid with the exception of Jenna is glaring, Yvonne's parents are killing her with their eyes, Toby's father is shaking his head.

Yvonne looks shocked, angry...scared. But Toby's look is one she can't place.

"No, I-I'm sorry, that was just bad timing," She manages to say as she moves around Hanna, out of the pew, almost tripping. "I just, I have to go," Spencer says, stepping backwards.

"Spencer..." It's Toby's voice, and her eyes fly to him. "What...?"

He looks hurt, almost, and she wants desperately for him to understand she's not trying to hurt him.

"I'm sorry," Spencer says, eyes on him, backing away. "I just, I-I thought I could do this, but I can't, Toby, I-I can't," She chokes on her words, shaking her head. "I'm sorry," She chokes, looking to Yvonne, "I'm sorry," She says again. "I'm going."

She turns, to run, but once again, his voice holds her back. "Why?"

Unable to walk out on him, Spencer looks back, expecting a why did you have to do this, why did you have to ruin it. But instead, it's inquisitive. Maybe even hopeful.

"Toby," Yvonne says, but he doesn't look away from her.

She knows it makes her a terrible person, knows it'll just make her look pathetic. But she can't lie to him, not after everything.

"Because I made a mistake three years ago," She says. "I made a mistake, and I never stopped loving you. I love you, and I-I can't watch you marry someone else."

It feels like a year that she stands there, bridesmaids glaring, the bride's parents trying to get someone to throw her out, Toby's father glaring at him and her in turn. But it's less than a few seconds.

"I'm so sorry," Toby says softly, and she realizes he's not speaking to her, but to Yvonne.

"Toby..." Yvonne says, shaking her head, but he's already stepped down from the alter, and Spencer watches him run down the aisle. To her.

"Toby!" They both turn to Caleb's voice, and a shiny object is tossed through the air, Toby catching it easily as he gets to Spencer.

"Run," Toby says, their hands finding each other easily, fingers twining together without hesitation. She kicks off her heels, grabbing them up within seconds, and before anyone can say anything otherwise, they're running out the door, to the parking lot.

"CAVANAUGH!" They hear Yvonne's father bellow from inside the church, but Toby's already turning the key in the ignition of Caleb's truck, and by the time anyone gets to the doors, he's peeling out of the parking lot, gravel being tossed up behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title** : Speak Now  
 **Rating:** T-M  
 **Summary:** She had thought she could do it. Be there to support him, to show how ok she was with it. To show them all that she was strong. But she wasn't. She couldn't do it. She couldn't watch the love of her life marry someone else.  
 **Author's note:** Thank you so much for all the feedback and kind words! I'm glad you guys like the idea so much! Here's chapter two :) Let me know what you think, please! -J

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Chapter Two: What Now?

* * *

Inside of Caleb's car, about two miles down the road, is when the reality of what just happened started to sink in. She was sitting next to Toby, running away from his wedding with him. Because she'd spoken, she'd asked him to pick her without actually saying it. And he had.

"Where should I go?" Toby asks after a moment, and she looks over at him.

"My house. My parents are in DC, we can park in the garage so no one will see." She answers, a lump forming in her throat. She realizes he's holding her hand, their fingers are intertwined and resting on the center console, and her eyes sting. She'd wished to have this back for so long, but getting it back like this, with this timing...

"Stop spiraling."

She looks up at him, his beautiful eyes looking into hers once again in that way she'd so desperately missed. "I made you leave your wedding, Toby," she croaks out, and luckily they're already arriving at her house. He pulls up to the gate, installed after her mom had become senator.

"1106," she supplies

He types in the code, and the gates open. "Our anniversary." Toby states as he drives forward, voice soft.

"Yea we all have separate codes." Spencer murmurs back, a lame explanation. She gets out of the car to punch in the garage door code, and he parks inside of it before she wordlessly leads the way to the barn.

"Spencer," Toby says softly, reaching to put a hand on her shoulder, stop her.

"What are we doing, Toby?" Spencer immediately says, turning to him, letting her heels drop to the floor, shaking her head. "We...you ran away from your wedding. I never wanted to do that to you, I-I never wanted to do that to Yvonne, I didn't want to be that girl," She shakes her head, desperately wanting him to understand that she didn't mean to be selfish, she didn't mean for this to happen. "I just, I couldn't sit there and watch it," She whispers, eyes cast down.

"Spence," Toby says softly, stepping closer to her, his hands moving to cup her cheeks, tilting her head up to him. "I asked you why. You tried to just leave, but I asked you why. You didn't come force me out of the church, I made a choice," He says firmly.

"But why?" She demands, because she's so confused. "If you wanted me back, why were you with her? Why did you propose? Why did it get this far if it's not what you wanted, Toby?"

His hands fall from her face, but he takes them in his instead, gently pulling her to the couch. Sitting down beside him, Spencer swallows a lump in her throat, looking up at him.

"I spent a long time after you ended it waiting for you to call me up, or trying to work up the courage to call you myself. To see if you'd changed your mind, if..." He trails off, shrugging a little. "When you didn't, I just told myself I had to move on. I wanted you to be happy, Spencer, that's all I've ever wanted. If that wasn't with me, I didn't want to force it. And Yvonne...she was there," He murmurs. "She'd been showing interest in me for a while, so I asked her out on a date, and things went from there."

Spencer knows him, knows he's not done, and so she doesn't prod or push, she just waits. He's still holding her hands, and for a moment, in his silence, she takes it in, how it feels. Like they belong there, just like that.

"I did love her, do...but never like you," He murmurs. "And that's not just something I'm saying, Spencer, you know me. I care about her, and I'm not proud of letting it get this far, of her getting hurt. But it wasn't there, for me. Not like it was for you. And I figured, maybe it'd be ok. Not everyone who's married can be madly, deeply in love. I'd accepted that you were my...soulmate, you were the one. But how many people stay with the one they meet in high school? It just seemed normal," He shrugs a little.

"The proposal..." He muses, sighing. "I was never good enough for her father. That's why I built the house, too...I wanted to prove to him I could provide for her, that I wasn't just some small town cop." Toby looks at her. "You came back, and you were with Caleb soon after. And I just thought...she's moved on. That's it. And so...the ring was just the next step, her parents made that clear. As soon as the ring was on her finger, they were trying to force us down the aisle. She didn't think anything of it, she was all for it."

Spencer wants to cry, because what he'd been feeling is the same thing she had. She'd loved Caleb, but it hadn't been like it was with Toby. She figured that was normal, it was ok. And she'd also figured Toby would be better off.

"But you shouldn't have left," Spencer murmurs, standing up, pulling her hands away. "You...you should have stayed with her, she's better for you!" She exclaims, voice breaking. "All I am is some wrecking ball, Toby! All I've done since you've known me is cause you pain, and anguish, I've just been a huge trouble! You shouldn't want to be with me!" She cries. "You shouldn't love me, I'm-I'm a mess! I'm an awful person, I mean, I dated my best friends ex-boyfriend, and now she hates me, that's the epitome of a crappy person, I broke the girl code!"

"I don't hate you, Spencer!" Turning around, Spencer sees Hanna, Caleb, Aria, Ezra, Emily, and Alison, who must have been summoned by the girls. Hanna had spoke, looking upset by her words once again.

"What are you all doing here?" Spencer murmurs.

"We assumed you'd be here, and we needed to see what was going on," Aria says.

"And I needed to explain," Hanna adds. "You think I hate you, but I don't, Spencer, I-I expected you to hate me. I thought by avoiding you, I was doing you a favor," She whispers, looking defeated. "You didn't break some stupid girl code, Spencer, you-you did everything right!" She says. "I was the one who lied, ok? I told you I was ok with it, and I've had a lot of years to become a really good liar," Hanna states.

"I should have known, though!" Spencer exclaims back. "I should have been able to tell you were lying!"

"It's not on you to see through everything, Spencer," Hanna whispers. "I don't hate you. I love you, you're my best friend, and I-I never want to lose that over some stupid guy," She shakes her head. "No offense," She adds with a glance to Caleb. He holds his hands up, shaking his head. "None taken."

Grateful for this news, Spencer moves forward, hugging Hanna tightly. The blonde hugs her back, and for a moment they just stay there.

"What was it like, after I left?" Toby asks hesitantly, and Spencer moves away from Hanna.

"Well, Yvonne's dad was yelling at yours," Caleb states. "And when I went to leave, he yelled at me...everything was kind of crazy."

"And Yvonne?" Spencer asks the question, hating herself for what she'd caused the other woman.

"She was uh...pretty upset," Emily murmurs.

"Wait so what did I miss?" Ali asks. "Did you stand up for the whole 'speak now' part?"

Spencer sighs, sinking down onto the sofa. "I didn't mean to. I wasn't going to say anything, I didn't want to be that girl but...I couldn't sit there and watch. You were right," She mutters, for Ali had told her going to the wedding wouldn't be a good idea.

"She got up at just the right time," Toby states, crouching down in front of her, resting his hands on her knees. "Listen to me, babe, you're not just some wrecking ball. You're not just trouble, Spencer you are...everything," He says firmly. "You are smart, and beautiful, and driven. You love so much, and care about those you love, you give them everything and drive yourself crazy trying to protect them. You're selfless, Spencer, not selfish," Toby states. "You've made mistakes, but who hasn't? And everything that happened to you, you didn't make me deal with it," Toby whispers, shaking his head. "I would do it all a thousand times over, to make sure you got through it safely. I love you, Spencer," Toby says plainly. "I love you. I've loved you since we were sixteen, and I've never stopped loving you. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, for making you think otherwise, but I thought it was best, I thought you were happy."

Spencer looks at him through teary eyes, sniffing, shoulders shaking. "I was, at some points," She whispers. "I thought I was. After you left that day, I felt so free. For a while, I felt free, because I didn't have any connections to this awful town, but then...I missed you so bad," She cried. "I realized what I'd given up, and that I never wanted you to go. I never wanted you to go, Toby, I just had to realize it," She cries. "It took sending you away, and then watching you get ready to marry someone else, and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Spencer sobs.

Toby gets up, wrapping his arms around her, moving to sit beside her.

"I'm sorry, too," Toby murmurs, as Spencer allows him to take her in his arms, laying her head against his chest. "I'm sorry."

He doesn't elaborate, and she knows somehow that he means for back then. When they grew distant, for the pregnancy scare, for all of it. Her friends stay, but remain quiet, letting them have their moment, and Spencer takes it in. The feeling of his arms around her, the sound of his heart beating, and the scent that was so Toby. Home.

"I need to show you something," Toby murmurs after a period of time, kissing her forehead. She allows him to get up, watching as he walks over to the kitchen area. "Two years ago, your parents asked me to come do some touch ups in here," He states, opening a cabinet. "Which is when I put...this, in here," He adds, reaching up to slip something out of a tight spot. Toby walks back over, his hand closed around something, and sits beside her.

"I got this a few weeks before that day," He says softly. "And I never got rid of it, thinking, what if..." Opening his hand, there's a black velvet box. Spencer hears Hanna's intake of breath, her own eyes widening as he opens it to reveal a diamond ring. "I left it here...I'm still not sure why, but I stored it here."

She holds her hand out the same moment he offers it, and he places the white gold ring in her palm. It's her in every sense of the word, a vintage look with stones set into the band, a large stone in the center. He had to have saved and saved forever to get it back then. Her breath is caught in her throat as she looks at it, her eye catching the inside. It's engraved, tiny letters forming the words, "my once upon a time -T." Just like the watch she'd gotten him in high school.

"Why are you giving me this now, Toby?" Spencer croaks, looking at him.

"Because I'm telling you I'm in this, Spencer," He says softly. "Forever. You can have it now, or I'll hold onto it, because I know you like to plan, and be in control. I know it's fast, and our parents will hate it, and I know what you may think, considering where I just came from..." Toby says. "But I love you, Spencer. I've always loved you. And I want you forever, I never want to lose you again. I would marry you today. I'm telling you, I'm in this."

Spencer looks at him, eyes glancing down at the ring in her hand, then back at him. The man she'd loved for years, the man she'd lost once before because of her own actions. And here he was, like some fairy tale or a silly romcom, with a ring. And he was right. It's fast, their parents would hate it, it's crazy. It's actually crazy.

But maybe it's not. After everything they'd been through together, it was clear this was real. They knew each other backwards and forwards, it wasn't like they just met. They had years of history. And maybe, for once, she could do something unplanned.

She planned and planned, and things went to hell, it had been like that for years. She knew she wanted him, would always want him, no matter what. So...why wait?

Slowly, she hands the ring back to him, and he looks a bit disappointed, until she whispers, "Ask me."

He's shocked, but only for a moment before he snaps out of it, and because part of him knows she'll hate the formality and tradition, grinning, he gets down on one knee. "Spencer Jill Hastings," He says slowly. "I want to spend every day, for the rest of forever with you. I want you to be, I won't say Mrs. Cavanaugh, cause you might keep your last name, so I'll just say I want you to be my wife. I love you, and I want to marry you. Will you marry me?"

Smiling widely, giggling at him a little in a un-Spencerish way, Spencer nods. "Yes," She whispers. "Yes, I will marry you, Toby." She lets him slide the ring on, and it fits perfectly on her left ring finger. Laughing, she grabs his hand to pull him up, wrapping her arms around him, letting him lift her up and spin her around, their lips finding each other's easily, like no time had gone by. "Toby..." She murmurs, pulling away, and he looks at her, not expecting the words that come out of her mouth. "Let's get married now."


End file.
